Written by Graham Conway-Doel.

I hold in my hand the most useful tool ever invented. It enables me to communicate on multiple levels. Yet each time I tap my four-digit code to unlock its wizardry, I open a vacuous black hole where hope has gone to die. For nearly a decade, the anticipation of replies, greetings, ridiculous gifs or memes from my now adult children have been absent.

I went from an active, involved father to ostracisation overnight. I understand it is not uncommon in the case of divorce and separation. Even the courts, who prioritise a child’s relationship with both parents, couldn’t bridge the chasm that had opened up despite their acknowledgement that there were no safeguarding concerns. 

The breakdown of any marriage is painful, but this was my pain and my loss. It caused a chasm between me and my children. As necessary as the separation was, the gulf of estrangement profoundly affects all. I live in the ashes of the broken relationship with my children.

Hope lies with me in the dirt, calling me to imagine a brighter future while reminding me of the pain of separation. I have dug a hole and buried hope as deep as I can. I have made mud from the ashes and my tears and pounded it to a solid mass. I have sprinkled dry ash over the top to disguise its presence. 

Hope is a tenacious bugger. Contained within the ashes are the blueprints of happier memories that contain the nutrients that hope feeds on. Despite the environment never changing, hope breaks through again. It reminds me of possibility and potential and that while I may have given up, it never gives up. Each time I drop a message and the silence ricochets through the darkness, hope works in the background.

Like the seedling breaking through the soil in our greenhouse, hope cuts through the clamour of Christianese and layers of vacuous platitudes. The seedlings begin to fill the space with their fragrance. Those herbacious smells light up the imagination of excellent dishes that can be brought into being when all the right ingredients are present. Hope, like those seedlings, offers a fragile vision of a future of restoration, however unlikely it may seem. 

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✏️ Graham a Social Entrepreneur and Baptist Christian. You can find him in through the various links he has helpfully provided in Link Tree.

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💬 All views are those of the author, and copyright belongs to them. This has been presented as provided to thebrokenchurch.

📧 If you’re interested in sharing a little hope between 5th March and 17th April 2025, get in touch (abrokenpastor@gmail.com) with your contribution. It can be an article, blog post, artwork, poem, song, photo… there are no rules others than it be your original work and offers a little bit of hope.